This week has brought with it some interesting realizations. Right now, I’m currently half way done with my internship at Mountain View Rehab in Phoenix. I love the people there so much and am learning more than I could have ever hoped for, yet like every internship, it has it’s challenges. Questions like “Do my co workers like me?”, “Am I doing this or that right?”,” How can I improve?”, and “Why can’t i get it right?” bombard my thoughts daily. On top of that, I am studying for a my boards that are coming up in January and am feeling very ill prepared despite my best efforts to study daily. It’s even gotten to the point where all I dream about is physical therapy and test taking. On top of that, my social life hasn't been exactly what I've expected. In coming here, I had high expectations to meet like minded and adventurous people, but have yet to find a friend that I “click” with quiet yet. My plans to be an ordinance worker in the Phoenix Temple have depleted due to my limited time in the area and I can't help but feel useless as I have no current calling in my ward. Let’s just say that some expectations weren't quite met.
I have found that life has many inspiring moments, but is even more chuck full of every other emotion in between. Yes I go to church, study the scriptures, and do my best to be a good person, but when it starts to become a thing that I do just because I know I’m supposed to rather than because I want to, I realize that I not only forget the purpose behind it, but also the joy. You see, there’s something to be said about tackling life with purpose. If we go through life without that one simple principle in mind, we will find ourselves wondering where we went wrong. Life only becomes meaningless when we lose that sense of purpose, and all because we forget where we fit in God’s plan. I have often thought about the plot of a the Christmas classic “It’s a Wonderful Life” In the film, the main character is shown a world that would have been if he had never existed. It is then that he realizes that his life has meaning and limitless opportunities to influence those around him. What if we were all shown a reality where we didn't exist? How would the world be different? One of Satan's greatest lies is convincing the world that their actions, AKA the way they use their agency, doesn't matter, when in reality, it's the ONLY thing that matters. Our agency is the only thing that is truly ours and in turn, it is the only thing we can choose to use. No matter what happens to us or what events God chooses to put in our lives, we determine how we will deal with it. Satan tempts us into thinking that we don't have a purpose and therefore our actions don’t matter.
So, back to the the last previous weeks that I’ve perceived as disappointing. Was it really, or is it just me? Simple, its just me. I have forgotten my purpose one too many times and you can see for yourself where it has led. This weekend has brought wonderful reminders, one of them being that I have need to start conscientiously using my God given gift of agency for good. I may only be an intern, but by golly, I can be the best one that facility has ever seen. I may not be an eloquent speaker, but I can share my testimony through my actions and let the spirit guide my words when prompted. I may not have a calling, but there are still so many people that I can serve, including those right in front of me. I came here thinking about what I would get out of it, but I want to leave knowing that I instead I focused on what I could do for others. I once heard someone say that to heal the body, we have to look inward, but to heal the soul we have to look outward. Indeed, we find ourselves by loosing ourselves, just like Christ taught us so many years ago.The Lord can make music with a violin, but He can also do wonders with a simple bell. I may only feel like that little bell right now, but my contribution to the symphony is no less important than anyone else's. The Lord will always need orchestra members, but too often only finds onlookers. My reminders have arrived and my mind is set, now this week, and every week after will be the real test of just how much I took these lessons to heart
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